I know earlier I said critiques are necessary, and they're helpful. That's all true. But it doesn't change the fact that I get knots in my stomach and try to slink away when I see a critique in my inbox. I get nervous. I get scared. And I don't want to read it because the world is nicer when I don't know what's wrong with my writing.
Funny thing, though, I usually feel glad I read them after I read them. Then why am I so afraid?
I think it's in part because I'm afraid someone is going to prove that my writing isn't good. And if my writing isn't good, then am I good, what does it say about my worth as a person? (Like I said earlier, nothing, but that doesn't mean I can take my own advice). Also, every time I re-write it's like I admitted something wasn't good enough (it wasn't brain, grow up already). I worry I'm losing something by turning it into something else. I'm frustrated that I wasn't good enough just on my own.
Some day I'll get over it. Until then I'll just keep slinking away from my inbox until I gather up the courage, read the critiques, and be glad that I did.